I’ve been dating this girl for 4 years, living together for one. We’ve always gotten along really well. We’ve discussed the future seriously a few times, and I saw moving in together as the first step towards that. I was just waiting to get the green light. Instead, it seems like I’m getting red flags left and right. In the beginning, we agreed to share chores with each other one week on one week off, but she very quickly slipped into leaving hers undone. I do 90% of the laundry, cleaning, etc. At first, I didn’t mind because she was doing most of the cooking for us, but now she’s stopped doing most of that to. I’m not looking for a housewife — we both work and share expenses equally — anyways when I call her out on it , she always answers with a profuse apology and a burst of activity for a couple of days, but then she falls back into the same routine. Maybe I should have caught this stuff before we moved in, but we spent most of our time at my place, and she kept her apartment spotless whenever I went over.
Part of the issue is our work schedule. I work a typical 9-to-5, she works from the afternoon until around 10. We share a small apartment, and I always stay up to spend some time with her after work. She used to wake up with me in the mornings as well, but nowadays she sleeps in until she has to get ready for work and fly out the door. It’s kind of annoying to put in half an hour or so of chores after work every day to keep the apartment nice, only to find it a wreck when I get home each day.
I have to remind her again and again to do small tasks; I ask her to deposit the rent, she forgets for a couple days. I ask her to return some DVDs while I’m out of town, she racks up late fees. She seems genuinely sorry for this stuff…but still. We do love one another, and when we’re just hanging out or on a date, things are still as good as they were when we met. I don’t think she’s doing anything out of malice, but I’m beginning to worry that it’s coming from a fundamental selfishness and inability to empathize. and it’s starting to give me cold feet. Any advice for saving the relationship? Or is it beyond hope? (email us your situation: listeners@957thebeatfm.com)
